On the heels of my post yesterday that Sven has no girl friends, Sven said two things:
1) It’s mainly because I share no interests with girls, and I have no interest in being friends with girls
2) If we weren’t in a relationship, we would not be friends!
It’s probably true. If we weren’t in a relationship, we might like each other as people, but we probably would never hang out alone together as friends. Though, in a relationship, we’re best friends. Kind of weird, right? Of course I’m biased, but I happen to think we work together really well, even though it doesn’t seem to make sense because of how different we are! In fact, we’re practically opposites:
He’s calm, I’m temperamental
He’s rational, I’m emotional
He’s Swedish, I’m American
He’s socialist, I’m capitalist
He eats to live, I live to eat
I could go on and on…
But we each have one “trump card” that we bring to the table, that when you put us together, we are unstoppable!
He’s patient, I’m communicative.
Even though I’m very impatient, and he’s not particularly communicative, it doesn’t matter. His patience combined with my communication skills trump everything. Combined, that’s what helps us get through everything, makes everything easier, reduces time in conflict, which increases time for fun! And one of the things we do most is have fun together!!
At the bottom of every fight is a communication breakdown. The problem is most people don’t get to the bottom of it. People often fight but do not communicate properly. I never let that happen. I communicate to the bottom of the issue. I don’t say one thing: “why didn’t you text me earlier?” but mean another: “I don’t trust you.” I’m honest, I say what I feel, and I can recognize when Sven bottles up his anger or tries to conceal it. I encourage him to be honest with me, too, and I encourage a dialogue…even if he’s not ready to talk. When I want to get down to the bottom of an issue, I want to fight it out/hash it out…even impatiently so…
Good thing then that Sven is patient! Without patience, the momentum of everything else takes over. When I want to urgently hash things out to get to the bottom of it, he forces me to stop and calm down. He tests my patience, and since communication takes two, I have to wait for him to be ready. And even though I get frustrated, I’m actually thankful that he’s this way. He doesn’t allow me to enter the heat of the moment…which in turn actually makes me a better communicator. However, Sven knows he will have to face me eventually, so in the end, we do end up communicating calmly, honestly, and effectively!
Everyone is different, people have different “trump cards” that they bring to the table that mesh together well and help them get through anything. This is what works for us and what makes us an unlikely pair but an unstoppable team!