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Hot-Crazy Matrix

Today’s post is courtesy of Sven.

Sven is an avid YouTube viewer. He watches it whenever he wants to learn “how to” do something (he credits it for perfecting his tie-tying skills), for watching documentaries about random topics (i.e. the construction of the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona), and of course, for the pure joy of mindless entertainment (cat videos). Around 85% of the videos he watches fall into the latter category.

The most annoying thing about Sven’s YouTube habit is that he always insists I watch one that’s “SOOO funny!” Approximately 11% of the videos he shows me actually make me laugh, which is enough ammunition for him to keep showing me more. “You secretly love my YouTube videos! You think they’re hilarious!” Ok FINE Sven! (p.s. He hates when I use the word “fine,” teehee) I’ll admit it: Sven has finally shown me a video that is so funny, it’s worth sharing with all of you.

Background: It’s a “Man’s Guide to Women,” where some dude categorizes women’s date-ability based on where they fall on a hot vs. crazy matrix. If this sounds sexist to you, it is. It’s also fairly accurate. Maybe this doesn’t offend me because I embrace my crazy and actually advocate being the crazy one in the relationship. And I’m hot.

After the jump, I’ll share where Sven says I fall on the scale!



According to Sven, I am a 10 hot (obviously) and a 7-8 crazy. I think that’s an excessively high crazy score, even for me. But Sven won’t ever let me forget that he has actually been told by a complete stranger, “Dude, you better run, that bitch is CRAZY!” (Ok, but you didn’t run, so what does that make you?) And he says that for a few days every month, I’m actually a 9-10 crazy. I said, NO WAY…I know women who have hacked into their boyfriend’s email, faked a pregnancy, gotten pregnant on purpose to keep a guy, staged a medical emergency, voodooed, and hired a spy team to stalk their husband.* YOU DON’T KNOW HOW EASY YOU HAVE IT SVEN!

Gents, where does the current woman in your life fall on this Matrix?!

*Ok maybe I don’t actually know women that have done these, but it’s definitely happened somewhere. Bitches be cray.

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Jen - 01/15/2015 - 10:37 am

I may be in some mental Bermuda Triangle, but I legitimately don’t think I’m crazy. I guess everyone has a little crazy in them, but I think I have to be really pushed into the crazy zone. I would rate myself at a 1-2. I think the craziest thing I’ve ever done was when the guy I was “seeing” in high school hooked up with another girl who turned out to have chlamydia, I did berate him over the phone…and on a sign with his name on it outside of the cafeteria, I did cross out his name and write “Chlamydia Boy”. But I think that was totally warranted (PS, I did not get chlamydia). Plus, that’s high school. You gotta get your crazy out in high school.

Jen - 01/15/2015 - 10:42 am

Okay, so I just asked my husband, and he rated me a 2 on the crazy scale and an 11 on the hotness scale. Thanks Hubster!

Melanie - 01/17/2015 - 9:01 pm

Oh I remember Chlamydia Boy 😉

Maybe you’re so crazy, there’s no way he’d tell you your actual crazy score to your face. Kidding! You’re definitely an 11 hot, but Sven says, “Dude, the scale was from 1-10, stop being such an overachiever, you ruin it for the rest of us!”

Melanie - 01/17/2015 - 9:14 pm

Oh, and Sven also agreed with you and your hubs that you’re not crazy. He said he can see that you’re the type of girl that’s pretty cool and relaxed. I guess that makes you off the charts according to this Matrix!

Jen - 01/19/2015 - 10:02 pm

Oh that Sven, he’s so smart!

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